Made in His Image
Since mid-March, I am finding myself in a Google Hangout or Zoom Meeting a good chunk of my days. At least twice a week, I am recording two videos and then reviewing them prior to submitting them to be placed online. It has been great to connect with friends, biological family and church family - especially our CG Kids! However, I am finding that I stare at myself a lot.
Isn’t this a problem? It seems kind of weird.
I am actually on the call so that I can see other people. I enjoy seeing other people. I recently read an article on msn.com indicating other people struggle with the same thing. The article states that you can become self-conscious, because you think people are staring at every move you make. It also states that it is easy to get stimulus overload and then you resort to staring at yourself.
Well, that makes me feel better that I am not alone in staring at myself, but I am finding that staring has created another problem.
Technology has created a “mirror” that I stare at for at least two hours some days. I would like to announce that I have been enjoying seeing myself that often, but I really haven’t. Instead, I find myself criticizing my own hair, my eyebrows, how my clothing is fitting and my own smile. It has become quite frustrating and maddening at times. I didn’t really pay close attention at first but when I started re-recording a children’s video, because I didn’t like how my shirt looked, it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I didn’t really struggle before COVID. Yes, I wanted to look nice, and I made sure that I brushed my hair. But then I went about my day. I didn’t sit in meetings wondering how I looked. I didn’t talk to friends and notice the gray coming out from around my ears. I didn’t get up and preach or make an announcement in our church sanctuary and then have a 10 minute after-the-fact pondering about how I looked in a shirt.
Now, I find myself recognizing what I am doing and getting myself to stop. It isn’t healthy. God made me the way He made me.
God has been reminding me of Psalm 139:13-16:
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.Your eyes saw my unformed body all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
I am also reminded of Genesis and the story of Creation. I am made in God’s image. He loves me. He created me to be who I am and to look like I look. To be honest, if you read the article referenced above, they are finding that people aren’t really paying attention to how I look on Zoom either!
For the ladies in our congregation, I want you to be especially careful.
Please don’t fall into the same trap I was falling in. I feel like we already have societal pressure on us to look a certain way and so many struggle with body image as it is. You are loved. You are treasured because you are a child of God.
Staring at ourselves is just another way for the enemy to try to insert a popular lie. Take a break from Zoom when you need to. Sometimes turn the camera off. I have started to do this more regularly, so that I can focus on what is being said and not the fact that I am having a bad hair day.
You are beautiful to me, to our congregation and to your Creator!
- Jody Lukowiak, Children’s Pastor