OCTOBER 31, 2021 SUNDAY MESSAGE
JOIN US AT 10 AM TODAY!
Transcription (Please ignore any errors):
Today, I want to remind you that we are on the second teaching in a teaching series called The Bible & Sex so I want to do a shortened reminder of the atmosphere we want as we approach all topics of sexuality and the Bible. We want to engage it with: Sensitivity, vulnerability, courage, compassion. I have TWO ASSUMPTIONS.
My First assumption is - If you are here, you are an adult or an adult in this room has approved of you being here...so you are okay with the nature of the conversation and emotionally capable of having it right now. You may need to step out if something traumatic is triggered in you and that’s okay.
My Second assumption is that I want this sanctuary and you, as an audience, to embrace an overall tone of safety and empathy. While I may challenge you, I am not trying to ostracize anyone...you are welcome as you are in our church, you are welcome in this conversation, we love you even when we may disagree.
Today, I want to remind you that we are on the second teaching in a teaching series called The Bible & Sex. We are building on the foundation we set last week (I encourage everyone to go back and watch/listen to it) but...
The main idea is that we are all walking into this conversation with a history, background, baggage (pain/trauma), and a framework for how we view sexuality that was formed by the discipleship of something that is incomplete, broken and in need of intervention by God. So, we examined two things: what has shaped our view of sexuality and what is the posture of your heart going into this.
The call was to trust God enough to lay down our frameworks and invite the voice of God into it.
Moving forward, I want to highlight two of the most common Sexual Frameworks that we operate in today. One from the church context, and one from the western, American, cultural context.
First, the church and I want to read to you from Ephesians 5:1-3...
1 Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.
This verse and the phrase “not even a hint” became the theme and title of Joshua Harris’s second book which was handed to me by a youth pastor soon after it came out. Of course, his FIRST book “I kissed dating goodbye” was the one that sold millions of copies and, while it may not have ushered in the PURITY MOVEMENT of the 90’s, it can certainly be considered the archetype literature of the moment.
Harris and purity culture pitted their way of engaging relationships and marriage as a more responsible, wiser, and more holy, than that of the cultural dating scene through “courtship.”
Let me give you a concise definition of the Purity Framework from Dr Juli Slattery:“ Sex matters because it is an important moral category to God and, if you want to please God, you will stay sexually pure until you get married and, if you obey that command, most likely, God is going to bring a wonderful spouse to you, you can have shame free sex, and you can enjoy this great gift within the parameters of marriage...One of the worst things you can do is sin sexually. God hates sexual sin even more than he hates every other sin.”
This Purity Framework was built on the idea that a person's identity and standing before God was dependent upon their sexual choices and ability to remain sexually pure AND, on the other end, for those who successfully abided by its rules, came with some lofty promises. If you do it our way, you will find the perfect spouse, you will have a long, faithful, sexually satisfying marriage.
The Problem is while many happy marriages were made, the promise didn’t always match up to reality!
As it turns out telling young people no and putting horrific situations in front of them involving sex creates anxiety, stress, and emotional trauma that doesn’t go away the moment you say “I do.” And depicting sex before marriage as the ultimate sin from which no-one can return invites shame that invades the heart, settles in, and stays with you for years to come. You feel like “damaged goods ”
Maybe you did everything just as you were told you should do it - you even gave up dating for courtship - but there was abuse present in your attempt to “stay pure” maybe even by the church leader who taught it to you. Or you did everything right and now I am so afraid of sex, I can’t bring myself to do it even as a married adult... Or you played by all the church rules and a few years into the marriage, one spouse cheated on the other. The point is this: if it doesn’t work the way it was promised, it can cause a lot of cognitive dissonance, disappointment, pain, and trauma.
This framework had intentions of adhering to the biblical understanding of sex, but it was INCOMPLETE. SO, what we HAVE to be willing to admit as a church is that, even with all of it’s good intentions, it became a new framework built with 21st century flaws and has its own brokenness (and even repent/apologize for the damage that took place during that time. In fact, Joshua Harris has since renounced his book recognizing the damage it has caused and issued apologies for it.
This was the dominant narrative I stepped into as a new believer. Perhaps this is familiar to you too because it was the primary mode of sexual discipleship - for a LARGE section of the church...for about 2 or more decades!
And, often, it’s like we are pitted between this and another form of sexual discipleship from the Western, American culture which mixes an intoxicating cocktail of Philosophical Humanism & Western Individualism. Let’s define:
Philosophical Humanism is “Humanism is a “philosophy of life that, without theism or other supernatural beliefs, affirms our ability and responsibility to lead ethical lives of personal fulfillment that aspire to the greater good.” -American Humanist Society ”
Western Individualism stresses the needs of the individual over the needs of the group as a whole and prizes self-sufficiency, independence, uniqueness, and autonomy.
But, ultimately, I think the Purity Framework embraces this too we just dressed it up in church clothes so we could pour some legalism over it- I’ll tell you what I mean in a second...
Dr. Slattery notes the Cultural Framework says the “focus that the most important thing in life is self actualization. If you want to be happy (and) if you want the people around you to be happy then you have to give them the freedom to look inward to discover who they are and to have the ability to walk out and live out their authentic self...sexuality matters because it’s such a central part of our identity and if you can’t be authentic to who you are sexually then you can’t be a fulfilled and happy person.”
Then she draws this conclusion: “so we define sexual morality as, basically consent: as long as its two consenting adults, you’re good and really giving people license of freedom to act out their true selves…”
Slattery builds out the Cultural Framework based on Humanism and Individualism even more by adding, “Sexuality has come to represent much of what it means to be human. Therefore, sexual expression and fulfillment are hallmarks of maturity. This is why educators, counselors, and even ministers encourage freedom of all sexual expression. As long as you’re not hurting anyone, you should explore your fantasies and desires. According to the cultural narrative, this is a crucial part of finding your true self. Anyone (including God) who hinders your sexual expression and fulfillment is morally wrong because they are keeping you from happiness. Don’t stay in an unfulfilling marriage. Don’t get married unless you try it out with cohabitation. Don’t let anyone tell you who you should be...”
This is the idolatry of our day and here’s the kicker...as I was taking this information in, it hit me, the Purity culture is actually a MIXTURE of this very idolatry in the hands of a patriarchal leadership, and God’s word!!
We have had sexual idols built into our own “christian” framework and it was created to lend grace to the sexual sins of those in power while pointing fingers at the ones they didn’t.
I believe Purity Framework disproportionate emphasized gaining and protecting one groups sexual freedom (including their sins) at the expense of others. This is why the weight of keeping your virginity, and the responsibility of “not going all the way” was mostly placed on women while “boys will be boys.” This is why we have stockpiled our grace and given a pass to many divorces even though they don’t qualify according to details of the scripture. This is why we uphold (or even idolized) marriage and the nuclear family as central to human living and minimize or even marginalize single people even though the scripture clearly states it’s better to NOT be married. Can’t you just hear a bunch of men around a boardroom saying “we can’t just walk around burning with passion.” This is why we look at our church systems and our authority structures and see pretty much the same level of Patriarchal ABUSE that the world carries (Ladies...AMEN?). But when we look at the life of Jesus and time and time again, Jesus defending, freeing, lifting up women into positions of authority! This is why we have seen the needle move on what is considered appropriate levels of pornography to the point that it has been so normalized in our culture, its not even that much of an offense but an assumption that, well...they are probably doing it. 20 years ago When was the last time you heard about a leader (even a pastor) being disqualified for leadership because they were caught looking at porn? There was a time when this was one of the two things that would get you fired.
Ultimately, what we are doing is picking and choosing with high level of biased consistency which biblical boundaries or values we are going to hold the line on and which ones we are going to lend extra grace to, and which ones we are going to emphasize and which ones we are going to de-emphasize.
Now, at this point, everyone's toes have been sufficiently stepped on. I ask that you hear me out to the end and if you want to beat me up in the parking lot later, you can.
Hear me, I don’t mean to take that info and ratchet up the legalism as a response, I mean to point out that, as a people (without God), when any group has a sin and the right majority, power they can build the framework to be what they want. Instead of trying to honor God in ALL that we do with all of our bodies, and with mutual respect for each other and mutual understanding for each others struggles, those with majority power find ways to move the needle and socially accommodate the sins they deal while ostracizing and throwing stones at, those who deal with sins they traditionally have not dealt with. WE ARE ALL SINNERS IN NEED OF GOD’S GRACE AND HUMANS AREN’T PULLING HUMANITY OUT OF THIS MESS NOT MATTER WHAT CLOTHES IT WEARS!!
The church - and male leadership in particular - has, yet again, embraced the sexual ethic of the day, framed it in a way that made it look biblical, and if we don’t reckon with this, we have an outstanding separation from God, We have zero integrity - zero credibility - moving this conversation forward and outside the church, AND when we come to untangle this mess, we have no choice but to just say, “I don’t know anymore, just let everyone do whatever they want!”
As a church, we have lacked the courage to confront ourselves and be held accountable so that we could receive grace in our own sinful tendencies (Listen, grace is GIFT to us but it can’t be fully received if we aren’t willing to repent), if we are not willing to deal with our sin as a church, we no longer have any authority to attempt to walk with others in theirs. To us, “the bible says, take the plank out of your own eye!!”
REPENTANCE: Lord, I repent for the damage caused by purity culture and promises it made. I Repent that a disproportionate responsibility of seeking purity landed on women. I repent that much of the church culture gave grace to sexual sins that were closest to ourselves and singled out the sexual sins of others to justify it. I repent that we made an idol of marriage and the nuclear family and minimized or even marginalized single people in the church.I repent that our church systems and our authority structures in the church have housed misogyny and even protected patriarchal ABUSE.
Once we see all of this, it can create a type of paralysis moving forward. What can we possibly do better in our attempt today? What safeguards us against making the same mistakes? Is it even possible to do this well? \
TWO THINGS DRIVE ME FORWARD AND KEEP ME HOPEFUL. ONE FACTOR is that I think we sit with a higher level of awareness and a better vantage point of our historic mistakes (which is helpful), but a conviction also drives us to engage this topic which is this: Sexuality is a part of our christian discipleship and we don’t have permission to just walk away from it. Likewise, to be ashamed of it is to agree with Adam and Eve in the Garden hiding behind the thin veil of leaves.
SECOND, sex is a powerful force and we live in a culture that is well versed in using it for their means that we are immersed in a sexually charged culture, Sex is used to sell everything, we cannot escape the world’s influence on this topic therefore we cannot simply give up on it, and we can’t avoid the topic and just hand this aspect of discipleship over to the world.
Where do we start?
We are not going to give you a static list of things you should believe as if the Bible & Sex can be reduced to an outline or a catalogue of “does and don’ts.” We are not going to give you another framework to operate from.
Instead, I want you to see that the BIBLE tells a STORY of sexuality from the front to the back and what I want to point out is that the GOSPEL is intricately, intentionally, and INSEPARABLY woven into it.
Dennis Hollinger (the meaning of sex)
“...when we come to the gift of sex, we recognize that it has potential for so much goodness, but in its fallen state, so much abuse. It is in light of this reality that we must probe the ends or purposes of the gift of physical intimacy. Understanding these ends or purposes enables us to capture God’s intentions from creation. But such understanding is also essential to guard against the abuses and unethical practices that tempt us in a fallen, sex-crazed world.”
SO, in the story of sexuality, there are some PLOTTING POINTS built into that story and you are meant to use them as you build your framework for today since we don’t have every detail of God’s design for sex in the 21st century! As we saw last week there are LOTS of reasons people have sex today BUT there four discernable PURPOSES that you can use as plotting points to give us a direction while you build. To set us in a trajectory and become a boundaries for building something that is healthy...and understanding them has the ability to both revolutionize our thinking in this area and to redeem our failures.
Four Purposes that we will introduce today and parse out over the next couple of weeks: Illustration, Procreation, Love/Intimacy, and Pleasure
We are going to start in Gen. 2:18-25
One of the most defining moments, in the Bible, and for sex is in the context of a union that we now call marriage. It appears in Genesis 2, after God has created and called everything good, Adam is placed in the garden to begin the process of tending the earth. God breaks his rhythmic proclamation of calling things good and, instead, says this in Gen. 2:18-25
18 The Lord God said, “It is NOT good for the man to be alone. I will make (an ezer Kenegdo) for him.”
19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.
But for Adam no (Kenegdo Ezee) was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
The reason I used the Hebrew in areas here is because I think the phrase “suitable helper” in English is incomplete. Let’s break that down a bit so we catch the fullness of what the writer meant by “Ezer Kenegdo.”
TWO WORDS:
The Ezer (translated as Helper) is defined as “one who assists or supplies strength in the area that is lacking in ‘the one being helped.’” One commentary says, “the EZER adds to what is incomplete in some way and it enhances or improves it to make it complete.” The same word is used to describe God as a rescuer of Israel (Hosea 3:9) so the term does NOT initially imply that the EZER is either stronger or weaker than the one helped.
The EZER is described as “suitable for him” and the Hebrew word is “Kenegdo.” Kenegdo itself is a combination of two words in Hebrew: KI which means ‘as, like, or similar’, and NEGED, which means opposite of, or even against. Wait, so…it means “Same/different?” When you combine both words (ki + neged = kenegdo) and it is MEANT to capture this creation’s similarity to Adam and her difference. She is a HUMAN but she is also a worthy counterpart to ADAM. The mate was found to be “fit for him” or perfectly “matching him” but not the same as him.
So, as the narrative begins, since there was no suitable mate for ADAM, God provides “the man with one like him, but yet not like him, to be his perfect matching counterpart.”
We will have a chance to look at modern gender theories (Gender Norms, Fluidity, etc) in a couple weeks but here, in the garden of Eden, we know (at least in this initial relationship), Genesis describes these two as a having a binary biological sex.
This is a SECOND description which further defines what was said explicitly in the previous chapter along with another description in Genesis 1:26-28.
It says
26 Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” 27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. 28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.”
At this point, there are a few things built into the definition for marriage and the accompanying sexual relationship in the original context of the garden of Eden. A sexual union involves one male and one female AND the Multiplication or Procreation.
There’s a couple more things I want to introduce back in Gen. 2. V 23 says...
23 The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”
24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
I don’t know if Adam was a great poet of not but think about this description: “bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man” (2:23). This is beautiful language meant to convey: a powerful and unique level of intimacy you could call LOVE (three Hebrew words for this) and A physical manifestation of equality as she was taken out of his side. A description of the type of commitment that happens in this union: “the man leaves his father/mother to be united to his wife and becomes one flesh...there’s a change in social-communal identity and ultimate allegiances. And a sexual union that accompanies all of this.
Bollinger has two Comments that I thought were important:
“...Essentially the text sets out three elements of a marriage: a change of status, a unique commitment, and a sexual union of the two...This change of status is a universal reality throughout history and cultures. It gets worked out with much variation, but marriage brings a change in the way the couple relates to parents and each other, and a change in the way the community relates to them.”
“The second component of marriage in the paradigm is commitment, “And be united to his wife.” A better translation might be, “And sticks to his wife.” In many cultures this commitment has involved not just the couple, but parents and extended family. Just as Israel is frequently called to “stick to” (i.e., “be united to”) Yahweh (e.g., Deut. 10:20; 11:22), so the married couple is to commit to each other in such a way that there is permanence to their relationship. This commitment would later be described as a covenant. As God formed a binding agreement with his people and the people with him, so marriage is that kind of commitment.
This is where we begin to see the illustration of God, love, and commitment. This is Slattery once, again:
“Our sexuality, including its place within marriage, is a profound physical picture of this great spiritual truth. Pastor and author David Platt wrote, “When God made man, then woman, and then brought them together in a relationship called marriage, he wasn’t simply rolling the dice, drawing straws, or flipping a coin. He was painting a picture. His intent from the start was to illustrate his love for his people….For God created the marriage relationship to point to a greater reality. From the moment marriage was instituted, God aimed to give the world an illustration of the Gospel.”
What I’ve hoped to put in front of you is an introduction and present Four Purposes baked into created design which involves sexuality: Illustration, Procreation, Love/Intimacy, and Pleasure.
I want to build them out a little more next week because I think they carry through to Revelation but, as you consider where you are at, I want you to consider the possibility of their existence and begin thinking through where we them throughout the scripture, the prophets, maybe in Jesus’ life, in the writings of Paul.
Then ask yourself these questions: What damage has my previous framework caused myself or others? Do I need to seek forgiveness from anyone? Or receive healing in my life? Where do I agree and where do I disagree with these four purposes of sex. Where does the culture agree or disagree with the purposes of Sex?
Essentially “where do you find yourself in this story?”
And just like last week, I want you to invite God into the conversation and ask him to reveal, revolutionize, and heal/mend!
This is our first plotting point in the narrative of The Bible & Sex. A counter story to both the culture and the purity narrative but one with hope, health, mending, and intention.
My prayer today is that we would find ourselves in the story and receive the fullness of all God has intended for us as humans before our creator!
COMMUNION:
(1 COR. 11:23B-26)
“The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, 24 and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.” 25 In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.” 26 For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.”
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
PRAYER REQUESTS:
We are hosting prayer team meetings for both the congregation at large and individuals to sign up for individual prayer.
SUGGESTIONS FOR WORSHIP:
“Praise & Worship” Spotify playlist and “Praise & Worship” YouTube playlist (slightly different from each other), both of diverse music that are being constantly updated!
Bethel Music :
Bethel Music’s hours of live music YouTube Playlist, also being constantly updated
Bethel provides chords to most (if not all) of their songs here (just have to register email, but free!)
Live worship moments from the Upper Room YouTube Playlist
Journal writing! (I’m a writer too, so sometimes creative writing and writing my thoughts to God is my form of worship.)
Declare and worship with truth by singing and praying scriptures.
WORSHIP NIGHT! Dedicate a night to worship with friends and family, your house church or neighbors, those who need prayer, love worship, or just enjoy music through a video chat platform like Zoom. You can have one person leading at a time (switching off to whoever else wants to lead) while others sing along, pray, or prophesy, etc.
Serving your community, both online, in person, or both, is a great way to worship God, from spreading encouragement and God’s Word online to physically serving food to others. If you are able to go out and serve, click here for opportunities.
COMMISSIONING:
As Jesus said in John 20:21,
"Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you."
Go, be the Church!
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
Amen.